I have come to the realization, much to my dismay, that at Callie’s school, I am going to be “that mom.”
You know the one.
- The mom on her cellphone in the pickup line. Clearly against school pickup policy. (Y’all. It is clearly a conundrum when you are on the phone with the headmaster from one school and getting the stink-eye from the headmaster of the other school. How does one handle this? Hypothetically.)
- The mom who forgets her preschooler’s bag and folder. On the 5th day of school. It is still September. Moms are still supposed to be on it at this point.
- The mom who enters the drop off lane from the wrong direction. People have to eventually feel sorry for you and let you in line. At which point you give the awkward smile and wave and mouth “thank you!” as you creep in front of them to drop off your kid with no bag or folder.
Dear Future Callie,
I am sorry you had “that mom” in preschool. I was a great preschool mom at the beginning of my career. But you, sweetie, were the fourth child. I really did try. But it got hard. I’m just glad you were wearing shoes…because I forgot to check you for shoes before leaving for Ady’s softball practice earlier this week. Which might explain why you have such rough feet now.
Do you ever feel the tension?
You have great expectations. You have a plan for your life and who you want to be.
A rockstar parent. An amazing spouse. A sweet little old lady (this is one of my life goals! To get sweeter in my old age, and not bitter.)
Maybe it’s to be organized. Clean. Together. Patient. Strong.
All amazing goals. I want to be all of these.
But sometimes I am not.
What then? What do we do when we look up and see we are “that mom”, or “that wife”, or “that old person?” When we are not organized or clean or together or patient or, heaven knows, feeling strong?
I opened my bible the other day to Zephaniah 3:16-17. Verse 17 in particular I have read many times. But it stood out to me this week.
I love when scripture does that.
Verse 16 says, “Do not fear, Zion; do not let your hands hang limp.”
Stop there for a moment.
Imagine your hands hanging limp. How is your posture? What direction is your head going?
Can you visualize it?
It is a stance of exhaustion. It is a feeling of defeat.
And boy, have I been there.
Then comes verse 17.
“The Lord your God is with you.”
With me? In my defeat?
“the Mighty Warrior who saves.”
Sometimes the one I need saving from…is me.
“He will take great delight in you;”
Wait. But I messed up. AGAIN. Aren’t you mad?
“in his love he will no longer rebuke you,”
So you love me…? Even in my mess.
“But will rejoice over you with singing.”
That word gave me goosebumps.
I wonder what His voice sounds like?
Can you picture sitting by the creator of all beauty and sound, and hearing HIM sing?
Not just sing…but sing about you?
Your own, personal love song.
Its enough to make me lift my head back up a little.
To sit quietly in His love song and soak in the strength to help me start again.
To remember that even when I am not enough, He is.
Grace in a song.
How sweet the sound,
That saved “that mom.”
That saved the weak.
That saved a “mess” like me.